When I think about the last time I felt good about myself, I’m always reminded of walking down the street counting attractive people like I count my calories.
In society, we fixate so much on the approval of others through likes and comments. Like our existence in this world is validated because someone said we look pretty or handsome today. This viewpoint causes a warped impression of ourselves so much that if we get fewer likes on a post, less comments in the streets one day it’s like we don’t deserve happiness.
Depending on the validation of self through likes is like waiting for the stars to shine during the day….it’s stupid and useless.
Even though it’s dumb, that rush of knowing that someone is telling you that you are allowed to take up space in this world is one of the best feelings.
When I get this validation, I feel kind of like this “You mean to tell me that I, the slightly attractive, kind of smart, boring person can breathe the same air as all these other magnificent creatures?! Wow, thanks for giving me the validation that I couldn’t give myself because I cannot see my own self worth.”
Or something like that…..
Sometimes I ask myself how the living hell did I get this way! When did I decide that I was worthless!
Hell no! I am a boss ass bitch who will rule the world. I can get any man/woman that I want and I slay at everything that I do. This is my daily mantra in the mirror at night.
But then, I exit out of my “fantasy” land and see all the gorgeous angels that are living on this burning earth we all call home and I wonder how am I able to compete when there is always someone better than me.
As of right now, I haven’t found the answer, but I’m trying.
I’m trying because I’m tired of feeling bad about myself. I’m tired of feeling worthless, unattractive, and stupid. Deep…deep…deep down inside I know that I’m not. I know that I’m a boss, that I’m beautiful, that I’m exceptionally smart.
I just plain fucking tired, you know.
So, I’m searching for my answer within myself. I’m working on my self-validation. I know that I don’t need someone else to tell me that I can live. I just have to allow myself to do it and love myself.
So….I love myself, I learned to love myself, I can do this and so can you.
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